singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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