"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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