don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
