In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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