Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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