I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
