Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
