So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
