sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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