i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
