tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
