just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
