It's Friday. Sex?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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