Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like a drive thru vagina
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
