I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
