i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
