If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
