just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
