GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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