you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize