get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
