1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When did angry sex become our thing?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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