thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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