i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
