3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
