I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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