It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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