Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
