omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
