I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize