Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
