Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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