i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
