i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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