i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize