Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
