Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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