the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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