who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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