Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
