Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize