Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
