I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
