how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
