You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She said her name was "party"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
