im gay
i know
yea but for you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
