awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
