She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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