how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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