If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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