I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
