Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
