I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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