i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
