Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
