At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
