new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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