the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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