I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
