You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
