I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
