I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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