Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
