walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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