i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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